How To Justify Your Selfish Decisions aka Why I Joined PBB

So here’s another throwback entry, written around the time I was kind of sure I was going to be accepted in PBB. It’s pretty personal and borderline dramatic, but I’m used to it. I even love it. I love reading old entries and laughing at my then problems. I high five myself every time I am able to write a wise justification for my not-so-wise decisions.

So here it is – paragraphs worth of why I decided to allow a minor interruption, a little detour. I keep looking at it that way. I keep thinking this is how I would make “paliwanag sa presinto”.

Why I Joined PBB

Or better yet… WHAT!!? Were you thinking??

Dear Aura. If anyone asks you again, lead them to this entry. This is why you decided to join Pinoy Big Brother in the first place.

Life After Medical School – Now What?

Last April 2016, I finally graduated and got my MD. It hasn’t sunk in yet that when people call me “doc”, it’s real now. It’s something that I’ve earned, even though I still have a very long way to go. I’m still expected to finish my post-graduate internship and take the board exams on September 2017. After that, my mom wants me to start residency training already. That’s another 3-5 years of studying to be a specialized doctor. Right now, my top choices would be Pediatrics or Dermatology. If everything goes according to plan, I’ll be finished with residency by 28 years old, and I can probably get married and start working on my family life. That is, if I continue doing what’s expected of me.

I guess that’s my unsaid dilemma at the moment. I was brought up to be an “achiever”, always fulfilling others’ expectations of me. I really don’t want to sound ungrateful. I’m happy about all of my accomplishments so far, and I’m happier to see my parents proud and hopeful for my future. But sometimes I can’t help but wonder what I really want for myself.

Honestly, it was never even my dream to be a doctor in the first place. I only pursued it because it was too good an opportunity to pass up. But what if I were given the choice when I was young? What if I’ve been guided thoroughly, helped to discover my real talents and skills, and taught how and where to use them?

I feel like what happened to me was, “Oh you’re a smart girl. You can be a doctor.” Or, “Life is hard. You should get a stable, high-paying job. You should be a doctor.

PBB – What’s In It For Me?

It’s not that I regret what I have right now, because after everything I’ve been through, I’ve learned to love medicine too. It’s just that at this point, I feel like before I continue with the rest of my medical career, I want to feel like this time it’s 100% my choice already. And I can only find out if this is if I want if I can happily choose medicine over other options.

So here I am – bravely looking for other options. I am proud of myself because I am always game to grab opportunities, even if it’s as unconventional and unexpected as joining a reality TV show. I just feel like now is the perfect time to get to know myself better and find out what I am meant to do for the rest of my life.

Also Important – What’s In It For Them?

Besides, it would be interesting to show people the very human side of doctors, far from the usual image in soap operas that we are always serious, professional, and living a fabulously wealthy life. We have colorful personalities, and we know how to have fun. We have financial struggles and issues with independence.

We constantly question our decision to spend the supposed prime of our youth slaving away in the hospital. We get burnt out and tired that even the kindest and most gentle among us can snap at a persistently annoying patient towards the end of a 36 hour tour of duty.

We may make mistakes, but a lot of times we are blamed for everything that goes wrong in the patient, especially if it would make a viral piece on social media. Oh, by the way, a lot of times we know you’re expecting specific answers to the questions you’ve already Googled.

I think the viewers will be surprised with my story. I may appear like I’ve had the perfect life with everything planned out in the right direction, but the truth is everyone goes through their own struggles and none of us should be too quick to judge.

— END —

P.S. Again, I wrote this BEFORE entering PBB. This gives us an insight as to how my story and character was portrayed, doesn’t it? 🙂

Have you ever been in my situation before? Would you have allowed yourself a “little detour” too? Let me know in the comments. 🙂

Let's keep the conversation going!

26 thoughts on “How To Justify Your Selfish Decisions aka Why I Joined PBB

  • Khim Fontanilla

    Hello Doc Aura! I’m a grade 11 student. Taking the strand STEM. It’s my first time to visit your blog and super helpful niya since, I’ll be taking medicine in college. Actually my pre-med course would be med tech and sinuggest lang sakin ng sister ko yun. Also gusto po ni mama mag-med po ko talaga. Although naging dream ko din po talaga maging doctor nung bata. At nung junior high school lang po ako nagdecide at nagisip ng kukunin ko talaga sa college. I was stucked between my passion and skills also my hobby cooking(culinary) and very long process yet gonna be fun(medicine). Pero pinili ko po medicine. I’m willing to be hardworking naman at strong, kaso ngayon po, medyo kinakabahan na ako ngayong mas nagiging familiar na ko sa course ko. Kasi I’m not one of the students nung hs and elem na honor student, top ganun. I’m an average person po kasi. Yes I study hard, but I also enjoy too. I’m not the kind of super grade conscious. So ayun po, gusto ko lang po magpa-advice, feeling ko po kasi super mapepressure ako nito. And any advice in my studies po pag college na.

    Thanks doc! Hoping for your response!

  • ethanderbolt

    Hey doc! Been an avid fan of you since pbb days and ur blog is so inspiring. I am a Senior High student and it is one of my dreams to take that “little detour” of yours. But, im afraid to take a step in order to make it happen. Haha well btw, I have a blog, amd whenever I need an inspiration to write, i always search for this blog. It just lights up my world. Tas naiinggit po ako sa ibang blogs dahil, ‘hala ang dami na nilang readers haha sa akin wala’ (1 year na ako) 😭 Any tips po ba? Hehe.

  • maila

    Hi Doc Aura! 😊 This is my first time to visit your blog. While reading, it inspires me to try also writing a blog. Hehe mema sabi lang but seriously I want. But I’m having a doubt to myself if kaya ko ba or not. I’m confused Haha minsan kasi gusto konang magstart pero kasi tinatamad ako. And one of the reason is baka kasi “wrong grammar” yan kasi ang ultimate fear ng every english major student. Iniisip ko it’s good naman for me to start a blog, kailangan ko lang ng lakas ng loob at strong motivation. Kailangan ko po ng payo nyo doc, alam kong magaling ka din dyan. Dahil sinusubaybayan po kita sa pbb. Any suggestions po on how to start a blog? Hihi

    • Aura Post author

      My response to your lame excuses hehehe

      1) wrong grammar — blogs are easy to edit if may typo or wrong grammar. You can also proofread before publishing.

      2) lakas ng loob – nahihiya ka ba? Sa blogs may sense of privacy pa rin naman sa mga ineexpress mo, compared to vlogs and tv hahaha

      3) tinatamad ka – edi wow!!!!

      Do something your future self will thank you for 🙂 🙂 start writing!

      • mailadotcom

        Omg! Thank you so much for your reply and suggestions. It means so much to me. Because of your reply I started making my account at word press just like yours. Hehe I was super kilig when I saw your reply on my email inbox. I have now the confidence to write or express myself in writing. But I haven’t yet started writing my first entry. I’m hoping if I already published my first entry, you’ll be reading it Doc.  Truly you’re an inspiration for me, right now because of you I am doing what I want. Even thou I want also to try vlogging but I don’t have the confidence in facing the camera all day. Hahaha in short “camera shy po ako.” I am forever grateful to you Doc Aura. 😘💙

        I have some questions for you Doc Aura. What pushes you to write? How long have you been writing? And why you are writing?

        P. S. I took me some time to write this reply. Because I’m running out of words to say. Nakakaloka!

        • Aura Post author

          Yeheeey!!! Go na yan ha! Link your first post and I’ll read it for sure. To answer your questions – I write because I’m just really introspective so it’s fun for me. Like what I always say, I do it so my future self will have something to read back on. I’ve been blogging since I was 11 I think, so I grew up with this hobby haha. Have fun with your new venture!!!!

  • saturddaayy

    Hello Doc Aura! This is my first time visiting your blog(I didnt know you had one until a friend suggested it) and after reading several of your write-ups, I am beyoooond inspired to do the same(start blogging, I mean). Since, you’re already a pro on what you do and amazingly at that, can you give me some tips and what to do when starting up a blog??

    • Aura Post author

      Wow hehe salamat for taking the time to read! 🙂 Just start writing. Do it for yourself. It’s so fun to read back on old entries – PROMISE. I suggest using Never mind if you have no readers but yourself for now. Just start and keep on doing it.

  • Erin

    Hi, Doc Aura. Can you give me some advice? It would be highly appreciated. I’m a 19 year old pre-medical student, specifically taking up Physical Therapy. The said program never crossed my mind back then, it was exactly my parents choice. I had no idea what to take up, hindi ko kasi alam ang “gusto ko” sa life ko. Hindi naman valid or enough lang yung reason na, “gusto ko yumaman”, it’s true that living in a luxurious life in the future would be a dream come true to me since I have never experience that. Going back, I had some choices back then, but I know to myself that they werent enough for me to pursue it. In short, I would never take the risk to pursue those; And ’til now, I still ask myself, am i in the right path? 4th year na ako next sem. (if I’ll be able to survive this sem) Iniisip ko lahat ng sacrificies and gastos. It just saddens me that I used to be an achiever before I got in college, I used to be the best in the class, but now? I am struggling a lot, literally a lot. I’m seriously having doubts with myself again. I’m scared. Scared to fail this sem. I just don’t want my efforts to be wasted. I had sacrificed too much. If I’ll shift now, ano naman ishishift ko? Something… let’s say na hindi medical field. Let’s admit it, being in a medical field is not easy. It needs perseverance and determination, and of course, passion. Sadly, I don’t have what I have mentioned. I ONLY study just to pass. I only study para matapos na lang. i want to explore some new things. Is this really for me? Been asking myself a lot of times.. Bakit di ako nageexcel? Bakit ako nahihirapan ng ganito? Bakit? I took a test pala bago ako magcollege, a test na kung saan ka papwede pag college. And lahat about science, medical field related. But here I am, having doubts with life.

    • Aura Post author

      Hi Erin! You’re almost done with college and while it’s normal to feel “lost” and have self-doubts at this crossroads, always remember that you’re already so close to the finish line! Here’s some bad advice – TIISIN MO NA LANG until graduation. Suck it in and fight. There’s only one way to not fail this sem – DECIDE that you won’t fail this sem. Just finish school. Then once you’re done with college, explore and decide what you want from there. I’m not gonna give you a vague “follow your heart” advice because you obviously don’t know what you want yet. Take your time. P.S. School is important, especially in our society, but we all know most of the things we need in our jobs are not taught in the classrooms anyway. 🙂

  • Nikki Simbillo

    I have experienced that too, Aura, yung tinatawag na “Med Life Crisis.” It will come to a point that you will reach a fork in the road, and you have to decide if you want to take a risk and go on a more difficult but fulfilling path. Pero whatever it is, worth it naman! 🙂 Also, keep writing!

  • Nicole

    Hi Aura! I finished nursing school but I still haven’t taken my license exam yet for the fact that it scares me to think that I would have to be a nurse forever. I’ve always had a passion for the entertainment industry and to be honest, flying out to the Philippines (I’m from Los Angeles) and joining PBB has actually come to mind. I just want to see if that experience could take me a whole new direction and help me possibly, find my true calling. Any advice?

    • Aura Post author

      That was my exact same sentiment for joining PBB. But needless to say, the opportunity given to me was one in a million. I think you just need to take a break 🙂 Also, congrats on finishing nursing school! For the record, I don’t think a license will tie you to being a nurse forever. It just means you were determined enough to finish what you started and from then on, papagbigyan mo naman ang sarili mo to explore. (Story sounding familiar now? LOL)

  • Anonymous

    Those questions from baninay’s vlog was already answered here.. Hehehe keep on writing doc sana makagawa ka ng sarili mong book. Madami bibili for sure 😍😊

  • Anonymous

    Hi doc! I get inspired with your blogs. This made me realize that it is okay not to follow what others want us to do. Gonna be a DTTB soon and will be postponing residency for a 3 yr return service 🙂

  • lyn rose cervantes

    Hi doc! Im one of those who supported you during your stint in pbb. Youre really an awesome person. I admire you. Thank you for inspiring me. I hope to see you in person. Sana talaga.. keep up the good work and God Bless..