So here’s another throwback entry, written around the time I was kind of sure I was going to be accepted in PBB. It’s pretty personal and borderline dramatic, but I’m used to it. I even love it. I love reading old entries and laughing at my then problems. I high five myself every time I am able to write a wise justification for my not-so-wise decisions.
So here it is – paragraphs worth of why I decided to allow a minor interruption, a little detour. I keep looking at it that way. I keep thinking this is how I would make “paliwanag sa presinto”.
Dear Aura. If anyone asks you again, lead them to this entry. This is why you decided to join Pinoy Big Brother in the first place.
Life After Medical School – Now What?
Last April 2016, I finally graduated and got my MD. It hasn’t sunk in yet that when people call me “doc”, it’s real now. It’s something that I’ve earned, even though I still have a very long way to go. I’m still expected to finish my post-graduate internship and take the board exams on September 2017. After that, my mom wants me to start residency training already. That’s another 3-5 years of studying to be a specialized doctor. Right now, my top choices would be Pediatrics or Dermatology. If everything goes according to plan, I’ll be finished with residency by 28 years old, and I can probably get married and start working on my family life. That is, if I continue doing what’s expected of me.
I guess that’s my unsaid dilemma at the moment. I was brought up to be an “achiever”, always fulfilling others’ expectations of me. I really don’t want to sound ungrateful. I’m happy about all of my accomplishments so far, and I’m happier to see my parents proud and hopeful for my future. But sometimes I can’t help but wonder what I really want for myself.
Honestly, it was never even my dream to be a doctor in the first place. I only pursued it because it was too good an opportunity to pass up. But what if I were given the choice when I was young? What if I’ve been guided thoroughly, helped to discover my real talents and skills, and taught how and where to use them?
I feel like what happened to me was, “Oh you’re a smart girl. You can be a doctor.” Or, “Life is hard. You should get a stable, high-paying job. You should be a doctor.”
PBB – What’s In It For Me?
It’s not that I regret what I have right now, because after everything I’ve been through, I’ve learned to love medicine too. It’s just that at this point, I feel like before I continue with the rest of my medical career, I want to feel like this time it’s 100% my choice already. And I can only find out if this is if I want if I can happily choose medicine over other options.
So here I am – bravely looking for other options. I am proud of myself because I am always game to grab opportunities, even if it’s as unconventional and unexpected as joining a reality TV show. I just feel like now is the perfect time to get to know myself better and find out what I am meant to do for the rest of my life.
Also Important – What’s In It For Them?
Besides, it would be interesting to show people the very human side of doctors, far from the usual image in soap operas that we are always serious, professional, and living a fabulously wealthy life. We have colorful personalities, and we know how to have fun. We have financial struggles and issues with independence.
We constantly question our decision to spend the supposed prime of our youth slaving away in the hospital. We get burnt out and tired that even the kindest and most gentle among us can snap at a persistently annoying patient towards the end of a 36 hour tour of duty.
We may make mistakes, but a lot of times we are blamed for everything that goes wrong in the patient, especially if it would make a viral piece on social media. Oh, by the way, a lot of times we know you’re expecting specific answers to the questions you’ve already Googled.
I think the viewers will be surprised with my story. I may appear like I’ve had the perfect life with everything planned out in the right direction, but the truth is everyone goes through their own struggles and none of us should be too quick to judge.
— END —
P.S. Again, I wrote this BEFORE entering PBB. This gives us an insight as to how my story and character was portrayed, doesn’t it? 🙂