MAY 29, 2016
Here I am, talking about PBB again as if the hype hasn’t died down yet. As much as I want to move on just like everyone else (hello / goodbye haters LOL), seeing this date on the calendar triggered all sorts of emotions for me.
Hence, this window for writing is open once again. I wonder how soon I will publish this, or if will publish this at all. You have no idea how many PBB-related blog drafts I have in my computer. All I know is – I. Must. Write.
Remember that time last year when you bravely hopped on that North-bound bus at 5 am and set out for your biggest adventure yet?
Yes, it’s been more than a year since you auditioned for Pinoy Big Brother. Too bad you’re only writing this now.
Again no, what were you REALLY thinking???! One day, you’re going to ask yourself this question, and you’re going to want a more honest answer than THIS. Nice try. Now where’s the no-sh*t reason?
WHY I REALLY AUDITIONED
Honestly, now that it’s all over and done anyway, I only auditioned to find out if normal (no “kapit”) people like me could get in. That’s it. (The answer is yes.)
Oh, and also to find out if there was a talent portion that involved any form of crying. (The answer is… take a guess.)
How I wish I could be more open about the audition process itself. I wrote it all down in chronological order in my little pink planner because I knew I would want to remember every detail of it. Reading my notes now just makes me smile.
My goodie. I really did it!
I guess I auditioned because that’s just me. I’m always just game! Makapal face ko, period. Some would say I’m mostly predictable and safe, but I guess I only let that be so I won’t feel that baliw when the more stubborn, spontaneous side of me just wants to be baliw.
Again no Aura – what were you thinking!???
I ALMOST BACKED OUT
I was going to audition together with some med school friends, but they backed out at the last minute and until now I give them crap about it. The truth is, I almost backed out myself.
That’s because I only found out about the Manila auditions on the freaking day itself.
I remember waking up to see tweets of hopefuls already lined up at the PBB House. Whaaaat!
I then hurriedly took a shower, came up with a girly outfit, had one final look at myself in the mirror – and then boom. I successfully talked myself out of it.
“I’m too late.”
“The earliest I could get to the venue is 2 pm and I’m pretty sure people have been there as early as dawn.”
“I don’t have a song or dance number prepared.”
“I hate my outfit.”
Looking back, how many times have I let an opportunity pass just because I listened to my inner negatron? I’ve done that so many times, and you probably have too. It’s just so easy to say no to things that are unplanned and uncertain. Why do we have to put ourselves out there? Why can’t we stay on our comfort zones?
And so we tell ourselves all sorts of excuses. The best one for me that day was…
THERE’S GOING TO BE A NEXT TIME.
I would have easily come up with more reasons to back out that day, but surprisingly, I didn’t.
Sure, I had to wake up really early, endure a 3 hour commute, convince my boyfriend to accompany me (and have him audition too since he was already there), and fall in line with probably thousands of other hopefuls – all for a one-in-a-million chance that “normal, no-kapit people like me could get in.”
I did it anyway.
I came there for my one-in-a-million. With a better outfit and still no dance or song number prepared, I just knew.
At the expense of sounding obnoxious and over-confident, the truth is, the moment I got there – I already knew. I remember being excited but not nervous at all. My favorite memory was at one point when Noe and I were in line together in front of the cameras and crew. An upbeat track was played to supposedly amp up our energy. He looked me in the eye and told me to just have fun with it. We then danced like fools. But deep inside, I was in it to win it.
For the rest of the day, I let the law of attraction work on me. Good thing I listened to my friend who reminded me that you should never go into any audition or interview without telling yourself first and foremost that YOU deserve to get accepted. Walk into the room as if the role is already yours. Don’t ever think of going home rejected or defeated.
That night, as I was back on my bed, I tried but I couldn’t sleep. Did I really just pass all levels of that initial screening?
WHAT DID I GET MYSELF INTO?
And so I spent the next five months just waiting and waiting for what I was sure to come. I watched the celebrity and teen editions religiously to familiarize myself with the season. I anticipated calls and eagerly answered them even if the number was unregistered on my phone. I just always hoped it would be another PBB researcher / staff with an update. I found it hard to keep on showing up at the hospital when I had a big feeling I wouldn’t be able to finish my internship anyway. All this while under contract to NOT tell anyone about it, at the risk of being disqualified.
I went through A LOT more stages of screenings, interviews, tests, blindfolds, phone calls, and email exchanges – until finally I was packing my bag of “clothes good for a month” and was typing up my final post on Facebook and Instagram.
They only confirmed I was an official housemate a few weeks before I actually entered the house, but just the same, I always knew.